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/adv/ - Advice

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Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)07:27 UTC+1 No.14652469 Report

/adv/ what do I do?

>important mail is delivered
>NEED it, mother has it and refuses to acknowledge that she does
>talk to her about it
>she gets angry and calls me a liar
>go into her room and pick up my mail out of her desk
>she gets furious and calls me insolent, etc
>things like this are common

how exactly do I deal with this? I try to be non-confrontational but that just lets her browbeat and constantly manipulate me if I don't entertain her stories, and do everything she says to the letter, she exploded with rage the other day because her cup went missing, and I normally do the dishes, we get into an argument as she micromanages me as I look for the cup, she isn't helping and she constantly berates me

I constantly have to keep a stoic face and attitude or I will literally lose my shit and just wail on her.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)07:35 UTC+1 No.14652481 Report

Your mother obviously has anger management issues and would greatly benefit from seeing a therapist.

That said, if your mother throws another hissy fit and refuses to go threapy, then it's up to you to change your tactics.

Don't "talk" to someone where you are railroading that person with "well when YOU do this *I* feel that way HOW COULD YOU".

In the case of the mail, all you had to do was "hey mom, just picking up my mail" instead of questioning about whether she had it, because afterwards the bit where you pick it up at her desk is essentially you acting out to prove she is wrong.

If her cup is lost and she is throwing a hissy fit, simply apologise, say you are sure it will turn up, and if she continues, then simply tell her that getting angry won't find the cup.

Basically, deal with her in a way that minimises the number of words you say to her (since she will twist whatever you say) and simply ignore her bullshit tactics to rile you up.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)07:46 UTC+1 No.14652512 Report

Uh, your mother is mentally ill. Get the fuck away from her as fast as possible. Mentally ill people can be legitimately dangerous. Your survival comes before family bonds.
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