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/adv/ - Advice

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Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)20:07 UTC+1 No.14242110 Report

Please, how to stop letting shame rule your life?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)20:12 UTC+1 No.14242119 Report

Get real about consequences.

If you're ashamed about something you did in the past, ask yourself whether you're still doing that thing. No? Then there are no ongoing consequences of it either. You did what you did, whatever came of it came of it, and that's that. It's not getting any worse day by day because you're not doing it any longer.

Getting hung up on past consequences is like crying over spilled milk. What's done is done and the tears accomplish nothing. Clean it up, pour yourself a new glass and drink it. There. Now you have milk in your stomach.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)20:15 UTC+1 No.14242123 Report

>>14242110

Depends what you're ashamed of. The main thing is to realize that shame is not really productive at all, only way forward is to fix things and improve to the point where you can be proud of the things you used to be ashamed of.
>>
Penga 05/08/14(Thu)20:23 UTC+1 No.14242154 Report

Stop giving a fuck.

I know that's easier said than done, but much like with confidence and other states of mind, if you pretend to not give a fuck for long enough then you will genuinely stop giving a fuck.

Is your source of shame something that you can change? If so, work steadily toward changing it. Be open and blunt about your ordeal to those who ask; if you act embarassed people will treat you like a piece of shit. Conversely, if you are matter-of-fact about your given fault and making a conscious effort to change, then people will generally respect you for it. If your source of shame is something you cannot change, this is where it really helps to stop giving a fuck. It's in the past, you can't change it, so focussing on it is getting you exactly nowhere.

I used to worry all the time about what people thought of me, or I'd be haunted by old memories that I couldn't stop dwelling on. Once you train yourself to appear nonchalant about such trifles, you eventually fall into that laid-back state of mind and life becomes infinitely easier.

Best of luck, OP.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)20:28 UTC+1 No.14242168 Report

>>14242154
I don't think you should just 'stop giving a fuck' you need to actually decide if you feel shame because of other's morals or your own.

If you do something you're personally ashamed of you should try to change that behavior so you can become honest with yourself, if it's someone else's morals deciding for you, then sure, just stop giving a fuck.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)20:45 UTC+1 No.14242201 Report

>>14242123
What if you can't fix things?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)20:57 UTC+1 No.14242232 Report

>>14242119
Not past. Not even necessarily temporal. More character I guess.
Milk is nasty.

>>14242123
Trying. 3 guesses as to what's been getting in the way.

>>14242154
>If your source of shame is something you cannot change, this is where it really helps to stop giving a fuck.
And if I'm the only one who stops giving a fuck? What then?

>>14242168
It's a little of both. So mixed up it's hard to tell where to draw the lines anymore.

>>14242201
Duct tape.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)21:03 UTC+1 No.14242244 Report

>>14242232
Guessing your small dick's been getting in the way.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)21:04 UTC+1 No.14242250 Report

>>14242232
You can alter your character and how it projects outwardly onto your lifestyle. If it's not temporal it's because you haven't yet succeeded or perhaps even attempted change.

The rest of what I said hinges upon that successful attempt. It's time to stop being whatever it is that causes you shame, at least in every practical manifestation of it.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)21:44 UTC+1 No.14242355 Report

>>14242244
Like you wouldn't believe. What do?

>>14242250
Take all that and put it in reverse. Success has been had. Attempts were made, frequently, regularly, and most have been successful.
>It's time to stop being whatever it is that causes you shame, at least in every practical manifestation of it.
That's who I am though. It wasn't "successful despite", it was "successful because of". Same as it's always been. I'm sick of feeling ashamed of shit I don't think I ought to be ashamed of. Mainly because it's finally begun catching up to me. It's becoming "successful despite" and that trend doesn't bode well for the future.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)21:48 UTC+1 No.14242371 Report

>>14242355
No idea mate. Same problem here. Thinking suicide's my only option.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)21:56 UTC+1 No.14242397 Report

>>14242371
Suicide? Why? Just get gud. A lot of them don't care that much anyway.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)21:57 UTC+1 No.14242401 Report

>>14242110
change what you can
accept what you cannot

this isn't rocket science.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:00 UTC+1 No.14242412 Report

>>14242397
Can't get gud if too ashamed to even try mate.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:24 UTC+1 No.14242467 Report

>>14242401
It is when that's not good enough.

>>14242412
Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.
Seek out those who specifically prefer what you're packing then, perhaps?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:28 UTC+1 No.14242476 Report

>>14242467
Where would one find such rare creatures?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:34 UTC+1 No.14242492 Report

>>14242476
Off the top of my head? No clue. But you've got a whole internet at your fingertips.
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Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:38 UTC+1 No.14242502 Report

Amnesia.

But it never goes away. Some people cannot escape it.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:39 UTC+1 No.14242503 Report

>>14242492
Been down that road mate.
Got used and fucked with.
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)22:50 UTC+1 No.14242532 Report

how do I not be ashamed of dating a fat chick?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)23:04 UTC+1 No.14242560 Report

>>14242502
That's comforting.

>>14242503
Ask the internet how to find them. Not find ones that exist only on the internet. The difference is subtle but key.

>>14242532
Get fat yourself?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)23:06 UTC+1 No.14242567 Report

"Shame is a second rate emotion invented by the pious in order to exploit the human race."
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)23:09 UTC+1 No.14242573 Report

>>14242567
Couldn't agree more.
Now how do I ditch the shit?
>>
Anonymous 05/08/14(Thu)23:34 UTC+1 No.14242643 Report

>>14242573

Drop out to get in touch.

If need be, leave home to find home.

Absent criminality, your shame is only dependent on those who can wield it as a negative.
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:14 UTC+1 No.14242745 Report

>>14242643
They are my everything though. And, to some of them, I am theirs.

They are my life. I am home.

They wield it as a negative but only because they believe it's the right way or the best way to bring about positive results. I fault them enough as it is, and I feel like a bastard for doing so because their hearts are in the right place and it's me who sees things differently after all. Why should they be punished when they're not the ones rocking the boat?

Running from it is the same as hiding from it. Escape isn't the answer. Is there no way to reconcile? I want to conquer this, not turn away and abandon it because I wasn't man enough to handle it and work through it.


>inb4 this kills the thread
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:19 UTC+1 No.14242763 Report

>>14242110
stop being 19 years old
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:22 UTC+1 No.14242768 Report

>>14242763
Humor me.
Elaborate.
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:27 UTC+1 No.14242780 Report

>>14242768
hahaha
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:32 UTC+1 No.14242800 Report

>>14242780
Thought so. Thanks anyway.
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:33 UTC+1 No.14242804 Report

>>14242800
heheheh
>>
Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)00:42 UTC+1 No.14242833 Report

>>14242110
by dropping the importance of the excessive potential you give to it
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