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/adv/ - Advice

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Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:04 UTC+1 No.14652552 Report

So my current girlfriend admitted to liking me even while she was with her ex. Is it fair to say she's going to be just as disloyal to me?
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:08 UTC+1 No.14652558 Report

There's nothing disloyal about liking something. The problem is acting on that attraction in a way that damages the relationship.

If she did THAT, then yes.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:08 UTC+1 No.14652559 Report

You can never tell when you start liking someone or disliking someone in that way. It can happen to anyone. Did she sleep with you when she was with her ex? No? Then I dont see a problem.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:10 UTC+1 No.14652560 Report

>what is emotional infidelity
Fuck off sluts.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:10 UTC+1 No.14652561 Report

No. 3 years ago, my ex cheated on me for 3 months with a Chad before she left me.

> Fast forward 3 years
Their wedding was last June, bought a cheap house out in the suburbs, and last I heard she has a baby on the way. Some people are just more compatible, and when you meet your soulmate, you seize the opportunity. It's blokes like us that get the short end of the stick though.

I wasn't invited to the wedding, housewarming party or the baby shower.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:11 UTC+1 No.14652562 Report

This. I'd only be worried if you somehow came in between their relationship and were directly related to their break up. If someone can do it with you, they can do it to you.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:12 UTC+1 No.14652565 Report

You sound like a feminist slut
It's normal to have crushes on other people occasionally
there's nothing wrong with it as long as you don't get sexual
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:12 UTC+1 No.14652567 Report

>I wasn't invited to the wedding, housewarming party or the baby shower.
Why would you be? Especially the baby shower? That's mainly a female-only sort of event.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:14 UTC+1 No.14652572 Report

Emotional infidelity matters when it has practical implications on the relationship. Simply having emotions doesn't make you unfaithful. It makes you human.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:14 UTC+1 No.14652576 Report

Social convention around my area is that if you receive an invitation for a major life milestone and decline, you still have to send a present. This is an especially good method of getting gifts from distant relatives.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:15 UTC+1 No.14652580 Report

Yeah, but an ex? Distant relatives makes sense, but why would someone like an ex be invited to these things? That's just weird IMO
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:18 UTC+1 No.14652586 Report

Yes, that is the most likely reason that I was not invited to any of the events.

> Hi Anon! Thank you so much for the wedding present! Chad! Chad, come here. Chad, I want you to meet Anon. I was dating you and Anon simultaneously for 3 months before I left Anon.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:19 UTC+1 No.14652589 Report

So I don't understand why you would expect to be invited at all.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:21 UTC+1 No.14652593 Report

I wasn't surprised. I was backing up my statement that we blokes get the short end of the stick when our girlfriends find their soulmates, and it's not us. Cast aside like a used lemon.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:23 UTC+1 No.14652594 Report

>girl with ex
>leaves him for me
>girl is with me
>leaves me for new guy

Take heed anon.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:25 UTC+1 No.14652601 Report

That's a weird analogy
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:28 UTC+1 No.14652605 Report

I like it. Not mine though, I read it in a Maupassant short story.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:29 UTC+1 No.14652606 Report

>Emotional Infidelity

Is this nigga serious?

That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If I go in a store and I really want something but I can't afford it did I commit emotional shoplifting?
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:30 UTC+1 No.14652609 Report

Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:35 UTC+1 No.14652619 Report

Probably. It's not that bad unless she left him for you, though.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:41 UTC+1 No.14652633 Report

Red flag, leave her. I know what I'm saying.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:43 UTC+1 No.14652636 Report

> >>14652567
Social convention around my area is that if you receive an invitation for a major life milestone and decline, you still have to send a present.

Wow. Your area is gay, and I wouldn't give a fuck what rhe convention was. "I sent you a fancy note, now you have to give me stuff." Fuuuuuck you.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:44 UTC+1 No.14652640 Report

I should also add her explanation:

"It's not that I'm disloyal or anything, but it wasn't even a relationship. It was abuse."

For reference, he cheated on her several times and would constantly treat her like shit, tell her she's not good enough for him, and she continued to forgive him. It was also a LDR at that point.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:45 UTC+1 No.14652641 Report


lmao I know that feel but its true

>Graduating highschool
>Mom has a party
>Sends an invitation to every single fucking relative
>"Mom why the fuck are you sending some many invite, 3/4 of them live on the otherside of the country."
>10 out of 100 show up, still got like $1200

so worth it
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:45 UTC+1 No.14652643 Report

The corollary is that failing to send a gift damages the relationship. If there's no actual relationship there then you can take the consequence for free and just ignore the invite.

You only end up getting held hostage by people you really care about, at which rate it's not too crazy to be expected to get them a little something. Surely you'd get a friend a wedding gift.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:45 UTC+1 No.14652644 Report

>I know what I'm saying

lol I should hope so.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:49 UTC+1 No.14652652 Report

you arent the sharpest tool in the shed are you
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:58 UTC+1 No.14652667 Report

>Surely you'd get a friend a wedding gift.

No. I wouldn't. And my friends and family know this. I loathe giving AND receiving gifts. The whole idea is stupid. Let me spend my money GUESSING what material possessions people would like to own for people's birthday, Christmas, and other life occasions, probably never giving anyone anything they actually want. Meanwhile, they're doing the same for people in their life, spending their hard earned money on shit people probably don't want. Or, we could all just keep our own money and buy ourselves shit we actually want.

Didn't mean to go on a rant, but thw bottom line is my friends and family don't expect shitty gifts from me. If I buy people stuff there's a special reason behind it, not because it was just time to buy them something.

Besides, a person that feels you've damaged the friendship because you didn't buy them something is not a very good friend to begin with.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)08:59 UTC+1 No.14652669 Report


>Let me spend my money GUESSING what material possessions people would like...

Luckily for weddings they tell you
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)09:00 UTC+1 No.14652671 Report

Yes, registries.

Some individuals even put "please, no gifts, cash only" on their wedding invitations. Even less confusion.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)09:04 UTC+1 No.14652678 Report

Oh yeah, I disagree with you, therefore I must be an idiot. Listen, the whole idea is stupid. People like other people when they're with someone else. You don't suddenly stop noticing the people around you, just because you're in a relationship. In fact, the fact that ahe didn't even tell the dude she liked him while she was with the other dude until AFTER they were together is a pretty goddamn good indicator that she's NOT a cheater.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)09:06 UTC+1 No.14652682 Report

lol, fuck that. That's even worse, don't tell me what to get you.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)10:38 UTC+1 No.14652816 Report

Eh the same thing happened with me and my now boyfriend of 2 years.

Granted I started liking him after the last time ex said he didn't want to be together and we got to hang out in person more. But then ex got crazy, started telling everyone we were back together, guilting me to be a couple etc so by that time my feelings for my ex were completely gone.

Not to mention it was also a bit of me trying to re-break up but he wouldn't take no as an answer.

So maybe it's something similar with her?
Communicate. It'll make you feel better and will be more productive than what you'll read on here.
It doesn't seem like you'll have to worry too much about her lying to you on a discussion if she told you that much

Tldr if she started taking an actual interest in you while she was dating someone else but waited till it was over to make a move, then it probably doesn't mean significantly much more than by that time the relationship was dying

If she straight up cheated that would be one thing, but from your op it seems she didn't act on anything till things were over.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)10:45 UTC+1 No.14652831 Report

she liked you as in she considered you an option while she was with her boyfriend.

the same thing can happen to you. it's not guaranteed that it will, but more than likely yeah
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)10:49 UTC+1 No.14652836 Report

He treated her like shit op.. and she stayed. She finally got out.
Anonymous 08/21/14(Thu)10:56 UTC+1 No.14652845 Report

Oh so it was similar to my situation especially the cheating part (granted I didn't know for sure until after). I really don't think you should worry op.

Abusive relationships are a whole other territory. I think you'd benefit from learning about how they work and affect people as they are in the relationship. Tbh it's pretty unsympathetic of you to be worried that she'll cheat on you for some other guy when your reason for being worried is in that kind of context.

I would be asking about emotional health and how to create a healthy relationship with someone who has experienced an abusive relationship.
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